A Chat With Bristol, N.H., Poet Kenneth Ross

Kenneth Ross of Bristol, N.H., honorably served in the U.S. Army as a Combat Documentation / Production Specialist.

From his little desk in the corner of his bedroom within his Bristol, N.H., home, Kenneth Ross writes poetry. He writes all kinds of poetry. People have really taken a liking to Ross's unique and powerful poetry so much that they call him the Poetry Lord, or the Poetry King, or Lord of Poetry/Poems, Poem God, God of Poetry Writers, Poem God, Lord of Gods of Poetry, and Poetry G.O.A.T. After reading much of Kenneth Ross's poetry, I realized that I was reading the best poetry ever written in the entire world.

Fear and Loathing in Bristol, N.H.

Bristol, N.H., poet Kenneth Ross is a huge Boston Red Sox fan. "I bleed real blood for the Sox," Kenneth Ross said.

I really needed to see who Kenneth Ross was for myself. I was moved. Kenneth Ross's Bristol, N.H., poetry tore into my soul and delivered me a flame. A fire! A storm of extreme optimism that I was in fact alive during the Kenneth Ross Poetry Era. I went out to Bristol, N.H., where Ross lives, and I camped out in the woods behind his house. For days, I would low crawl through the forest and onto Ross's property. Of course, I was dressed up like a white birch wood pile, so I would blend in. Last thing I wanted was Kenneth Ross to discover me on his Bristol, N.H., property.

The Poetry That Is Kenneth Ross's Breathing While He Sleeps

I studied Ross. Watched Ross and his family eat meals, get ready for school, do homework. I even watched Kenneth Ross and his wife Anastasia Ross sleeping the one and only time I let myself into their home. I stood beside their bed and just watched the most wonderful poet--the best poet in the world--sleep. Ross's slumbered breathing was breathtaking, and my heart and soul were nail-gunned together with undeniable awe. 

Kenneth Ross's breathing is poetic.

"Writing poetry is really hard. Now, Imagine how hard it is to not only write the poetry, but to write the poetry and be the Poetry God at the same time," said Kenneth Ross from his corner office in Bristol, N.H.

Kenneth Ross of Bristol, N.H. is the Poetry Lord of Poem Gods

I was amazed that the greatest poet the world will ever see breathes with such electricity and vigor. Kenneth Ross moved me as remained an unwanted and unnoticed trespasser in his bedroom that night at 2:43 a.m. in Bristol, N.H. I gave the sleeping poet of my dreams Kenneth Ross a nice long kiss on his face before I crept out of their home.

Leaving Bristol, N.H. After the Success of Stalking Kenneth Ross 

That day, I packed up my tent in the woods Kenneth Ross's home, and I went back to my apartment. I read some of Ross's work, and I could taste his face-salt still on my lips. I managed to find his email address, so I emailed him. I asked him if he'd agree to sit down and have a little chat with me. 

A Chat With Kenneth Ross, the Greatest Poet in the History of This World

Two minutes after I hit the 'send' button, Ross emailed me back. Kenneth Ross was down for the clown, and I was the happiest I've ever been in my entire life, to include my idiot ex-wife giving birth to my son. I do love my son, but Kenneth Ross is the Poetry King of Lord of Poets. So, Kenneth Ross comes before my son. Besides, my son never finishes his assignments for school on time. I hope you enjoy my documented chat with Kenneth Ross from his Bristol, N.H., house.

ME: How did you get into poetry?

Kenneth Ross: I was born into poetry. My blood races miles and miles throughout my body with such a creative force that I'm blessed with the honor of being the Poetry God. I do take the Lord of Poetry thing seriously. Being the Poem God of Kings is a huge responsibility. It's my responsibility, and you bet I honor the heck out of it.

ME: What inspires you to write such great poetry?

Kenneth Ross: That's a good question. I think I actually am the inspiration behind my body of work. I inspire myself to write the greatest poetry the world has ever seen.

ME: How did you meet your wife Anastasia?

Kenneth and Anastasia Ross were married on September 23, 2010, in York, Maine. They currently live in Bristol, N.H.

Kenneth Ross: I met Anastasia at a car dealership in southern New Hampshire. We flirted around a bit and had a great conversation about the Friday the Thirteenth franchise.

ME: How does your love for horror films influence your poetry?

Kenneth Ross: When I first started writing poetry, I wrote about all sorts of dark themes. It was really smart poetry, only for deep thinkers to grasp. I like an audience of deep thinkers. Because they think deep. Think deep about everything. Think deep in their sleep. Think deep while they eat steak. I'm just a wicked smart poetry writer who is fortunate enough to have a massive fan base of power-thinking men and women. It's amazing. Truly amazing.

ME: How often do you write poetry?

Kenneth Ross: All the time. I mean, being the Poetry Lord of Poems is a major responsibility. I cannot stress that enough. If I'm not writing poetry, I'm doing something wrong. My soul, spirit, and ghost are saturated with deeper meanings than the normal average person. I'm a skilled person when it comes to documenting the things in this world that I document via poetry.

ME: What was it like growing up watching VHS tapes you rented from Blockbuster?

Kenneth Ross: I'd put the VHS into the VCR, hopefully not have to rewind, and I'd press play.

Kenneth Ross of Bristol, N.H., is the world's greatest poet to ever exist. Kenneth Ross is the true Lord of Poetry Lords and Gods.

ME: Who is your hero?

Kenneth Ross: The Macho Man Randy Savage is without a doubt my hero. I've loved Macho Man since I rented my first WWF video Wrestlemania Four. Savage clawed and fought and scraped by, defeating four opponents in an unprecedented tournament to become champion of the world. I love the Macho King! Love him.

ME: What do you do when you're not writing poetry?

Kenneth Ross: Mostly thinking about writing poetry. That's about it. I watch movies, too. I watch smart movies and really stupid movies. You can actually build up some intelligence by watching some of the stupidest movies ever made. I'm not kidding. I also take photographs and enjoy Reddit.

ME: What do you want all your fans to know about you that they probably don't already know?

Kenneth Ross: Not a damn thing. I'm a very private person.